safe.

Haiti earthquake facts reveal that the earthquake occurred at 4:53 p.m. on January 12, 2010. The center of the earthquake was about 16 miles away from the capital – Port Au Prince. The magnitude of earthquake was measured at 7 richter scale. The human loss ranges between 50000 to 200000, exact number is still to be calculated.

Last night was the first time I've been able to accurately [and at length] explain my heart in regards to my recent Haiti trip. Since I got back, everyone I came across wanted to know how "it" was. I felt like it was not something that could be answered in that context. "Uh, errr... well...? It was hard…" was usually my eloquent response.

I was so conflicted internally, and I didn't understand how people could simply ask "So, how was it?" and expect me to answer in passing. My pride caused me to actually feel anger towards these people, who I assumed "didn't get it" and wouldn’t, even if I attempted to explain. The day after I got back, an innocent soul mentioned "Hey! I heard you were on vacation! How was it?"... my face, I'm sure, said everything I was thinking.

After previous experiences with a variety cultures, I still found myself in the Miami airport with butterflies in my stomach. I kept thinking "What am I doing? Why am I doing this? I need to go home"... so scared and unsure of why He would place me on a plane headed to Port Au Prince to do construction. In the air flying over Haiti for the first time, my first thought was how calm everything looked down below. Untouched, it seemed. I took a moment to admire the colors of the Caribbean city that would become my home for the next week. As the plane descended, I was horrified to see that the colors I had been admiring from afar… were instead the plastic tarps people had been using to construct tent cities so numerous and huge that they were visible from thousands of feet in the air. So many people are living in the streets of Haiti, either because their homes were destroyed or because they are too afraid to return indoors... so many sleep in tents right next to their constructed homes. Life’s difficulties are nothing new for the people of Haiti, the devastation is not new... it has always been a 3rd world country with a lot of poverty... but I am struck by the fact that prior to the earthquake, most Haitians rented their homes, or were still paying them off, meaning that even if they had the tools necessary, these homes are not theirs to rebuild. The land where their previous homes stood is not theirs to use for the rebuilding of their lives.

The first few days, I was frustrated [though I probably didn't show it]. I didn't understand why God would have me do construction when my [obvious] strengths and desires [I thought] were more relational and personal. I just wanted to love people. I wanted to go village to village and just sit and talk with each person. I wanted to hug some orphans and hear their stories. I did not want to do construction, because I was not good at construction. I was prideful in assuming that my desires trumped Gods... "But, God... seriously... construction? What are you thinking? You are obviously mistaken if you think my strengths involve hammers and circular saws."

Throughout the week, there were several opportunities to be relational and to love people. Not just the Haitian people, but really - the Lord definitely showed me that I am to show love towards my team... and encourage. That ministry should begin with the person who is in front of me, before I can genuinely love my neighbor.

I limited God by doubting His sovereignty in placing me on this trip. I assumed I knew better. I assumed I knew my strengths better than He did... and He showed me that although I feel incapable, at times, to do what is asked [or ill-equipped to do what He asks]... I am still to do them. How prideful and arrogant of me to even begin to think I know what is better and more beneficial to His world than He does.

One of the roofs the team put on was the roof of Shawmi, a man whose home was demolished by the earthquake. When the earthquake hit Haiti, on January 12th, Shawmi's wife and children went to live with some family a few hours away... Shawmi stayed to help rebuild their home. Shawmi had not seen his family in 4 months... his children had not been in the arms of their father in 120 days. We were able to put the roof on his home. Sunday morning - there he was. In a pew with his sweet family. How utterly gracious of the Lord to give us this glimpse. Something so tangible... we could see what our hands were able to do. I was so caught up in my frustrations with "merely building a roof", that I couldn't see past it. I didn't take time to see what else might come from a roof. Uniting a child with their father, a wife with her husband. How beautiful. How sweet and gracious of the Lord to show us this image.

THE lesson of this experience, although it will change and grow within the next few months [I hope]... would be that I should never limit God by assuming I know better. That my feeble attempts to control how I serve Him are but filthy rags on the foot of the cross. I returned to Rockwall, Texas... humbled, broken, humiliated that I would begin to think I knew better than He. The constant praises upon my return actually stung. I am awkward when accepting praises on a normal day, but when I am faced with my own pride [so "in your face" as I was], I was ashamed and wanted nothing to do with anyone who thought of me as "inspiring". I have always been happy to embrace my imperfections, because they only further highlighted my desperate need for a Savior. This time, it only further highlighted my desperate need for His grace that He [thankfully] freely gives.

Thank you all for bearing with me as I processed and analyzed just what I needed to learn. Thank you for your patience and your love.

Eli