drive home

i drove down the long stretch of I-30, in silence. i was overwhelmed and burdened by their needs. "why am i here? what could i possibly do to help?"

driving that night, i didn't ask God to provide... i merely asked Him why He hadn't already. why must they suffer? why isn't anyone doing anything about i? and He answered me in the form of conviction, almost immediately...:

"Beloved, YOU tell ME. where've you been? you're my hands and my feet..."

tears are falling as i call a few people and tell them about the night. my spirit is full of sadness and disappointment. it's about 10pm, and i needed shampoo. i hesitated going in, because i felt like i was a mess, "seriously, elizabeth? you're going to spend MONEY on YOURSELF right after you witnessed the way they live?" was the thoughts i had. i had so many doubts running through my mind, "you can't do this" and "you're not strong enough" being the main ones. "why am i here?" was one, as well.

walking to the checkout line with my few items to purchase, i'm not paying attention to my surroundings. i'm consumed with my own thoughts. i almost don't notice curt [from church] in from of me in line. thankfully he greets me and we get to talking about each other's nights. i'm already on the verge of tears when he asks me what i did. i reply with probably more words than was needed and regret spilling every thought i had. he finishes his transactions and hands me a gift card, walks off as he says "buy them some food". my jaw drops as i'm holding this peice of plastic that will feed the sweet family for the month. shocked, still with tears in my eyes [barely holding them in], i look up at the cashier and she has the same look on her face, as if she just witnessed a robbery. she broke the silence by saying "do you know him?", and i answered "yes... we both go to Lake Pointe". i manage to briefly explain this random act of kindness, and she said "wow... it looks like you were right where God wanted you, huh?"

love,
elizabeth